My Bed or Yours guide to finding local fuck buddies, keeping it casual and rules of engagement.
For those unacquainted to the term ‘fuck buddy’, it is simply a term commonly used to describe a relationship based on casual sex where both parties are happy to meet up for sex but are not in an exclusive or serious relationship.
You might ask why you would want a fuck buddy; you might also ask why anyone wouldn’t! Who doesn’t want regular no-strings sex without the hassle of a serious relationship or being tied down to one partner? Generally it’s the younger ‘Netflix and chill’ generation who are more likely to have a fuck buddy. This is due to many factors such as the need to sow their wild oats while they are young, experimenting with their sexuality, wild college life or the pressures of embarking on a career which leave little time for a serious relationship. Whatever the reason, more and more young adults (and older people too) are turning to friends with benefits to fill a void in their sex lives.
While this unconventional approach may offer some exciting advantages, it also comes with its share of potential drawbacks. Let’s delve into the world of friends with benefits and examine both its benefits and negative points.
The Perks of Friends with Benefits:
- Sexual Freedom and Exploration: One of the most appealing aspects of a friends with benefits relationship is the freedom it offers. Both partners can enjoy a fulfilling physical connection without the constraints of traditional exclusivity. This environment allows them to explore their desires and experiment sexually in a safe and trusting space.
- Emotional Independence: In a friends with benefits setup, there is less pressure to meet the expectations of a committed partnership. This can lead to greater emotional independence, allowing individuals to focus on personal growth, career aspirations, and other aspects of their lives without feeling suffocated.
- No Commitment Drama: A significant advantage of friends with benefits is the absence of traditional relationship drama. There are no expectations of long-term commitment or worrying about jealousy and possessiveness. This can reduce stress and foster a more relaxed and enjoyable experience.
- Intimacy Without Baggage: Often, friends with benefits relationships involve individuals who are already friends. Since there is no intention of becoming romantically involved, both partners can enjoy intimacy without carrying the baggage of typical relationship issues.
The Darker Side of Friends with Benefits:
- Emotional Complications: Human emotions are complex and unpredictable. Even in a friends with benefits setup, feelings can develop over time, leading to asymmetrical emotional investments. This can create tension and hurt feelings if one partner develops stronger feelings than the other.
- Jealousy and Insecurity: While friends with benefits relationships lack traditional commitment, jealousy and insecurity can still surface. Witnessing your partner with someone else or hearing about their other interactions can evoke feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
- Risk of Losing the Friendship: Engaging in a friends with benefits arrangement with a close friend can be risky. If the physical aspect complicates the friendship, it may lead to its eventual demise. Losing a valuable friendship over a sexual arrangement could be a heavy price to pay.
- Health and Safety Concerns: With multiple partners involved, there is an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It is crucial to prioritize safety, regular testing, and open communication about health concerns.
Navigating the Territory: Tips for Success
For those considering a fuck buddy relationship, it is essential to approach it thoughtfully and communicate openly:
- Set Clear Boundaries: Establish explicit rules and boundaries from the start. Define what each partner expects from the arrangement, and revisit these guidelines regularly to ensure both parties remain on the same page.
- Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. In a friends with benefits setup, it is even more critical to discuss feelings, expectations, and concerns openly and without judgment.
- Monitor Your Emotions: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotional well-being. If you find yourself developing deeper feelings or struggling with jealousy, it’s crucial to address these emotions promptly.
- Prioritize Safe Sex: Protecting your health should be a top priority. Always practice safe sex, and consider getting tested for STIs regularly.
Finding local fuck buddies
Finding a casual sex partner can be difficult. Most people wont simply approach a girl in a bar or on the street and tell them ‘I want to fuck you’ but ‘I’m not interested in a relationship’. Doing this is likely to get you a slap. So, how do you find local sex when you need it? You have a few options:
- Dating apps or hook up apps like Happn or Tinder. These are well and good. Many people successfully meet for sex through these apps. The issue with many of these free hook up apps is the large number of fake profiles, phishing and users simply looking for a quick ego boost. Filtering out the time wasters can be draining. Most users are also in the younger age bracket so if you are looking for someone a bit more mature your choices are often limited.
- Existing friendships. This one is a minefield. It happens all the time. Friends go for a night out, drinks are flowing, you find yourselves engaging in drunken sex. These scenarios don’t often work out well. Maybe one of you has secretly been harbouring feelings for some time and the other doesn’t feel the same way, maybe you both feel awkward the following day and your friendship is never the same again or even worse, the drunken sex was a big let down for one or both of you. Whatever happens, sex with friends is generally a very bad idea.
- Sex and swingers clubs. The main problem with these is you generally need to go to these events as a couple. If you are a lone man or woman looking to get involved, there are not many events that cater for singles. Obviously, if you meet an open minded partner who is open to the idea of sharing, gang bangs or wife swapping, swingers clubs can be terrific fun and a great way to meet other people who love sex as much as you do.
- A dating site dedicated to casual sex and hook ups. Of course, it was coming. What better place to find a local fuck buddy than a website that specialises in connecting people looking for the same thing in a secure, anonymous setting. Where you can be completely open about the type of relationship you are looking for. If you want a regular fuck buddy, one-night stand or a couple for adult fun, simply state what you are looking for and meet other members who are looking for similar encounters. With location-based searches, detailed filters and member profile photos, finding someone local to you looking for sex is fast and easy with My Bed or Yours.
Keeping it casual
A fuck buddy arrangement can be a great way to enjoy the company of another person, have great sex and still enjoy the freedom of the single lifestyle. There are some basic unspoken rules you should follow in order to keep the relationship going and prevent your friends with benefits arrangement from going sour.
- The number one rule is both parties need to be clear on what the arrangement is. Its not good enough to simple think you are in an open relationship. You need to discuss your situation and make it clear that this is an open relationship or casual fling not anything more. If one of you doesn’t see it this way, then it is not going to work out.
- Don’t be jealous or possessive. This is a clear indicator that you are not going to be happy in a fuck buddy relationship. If you cannot handle not knowing where your partner is, who they are with or seeing them talking to other people, an open relationship is not for you. Discus this. Maybe your sex buddy feels the same way and the relationship can take a new turn and evolve into something more or maybe its just not going to work out and you should call it a day before someone gets hurt.
- Have fun. A fuck buddy is what it implies, a BUDDY. It shouldn’t just be about having great sex. Try to keep it exciting, not just late-night booty calls. Just because its casual it doesn’t mean you should have fun outside of the bedroom. Try to keep it exciting by going gout for a meal, drinks or just chilling out in front of the TV without having sex occasionally.
- Be safe. If one or both of you are seeing multiple partners, please practice safe sex. Condoms are the safest way to enjoy sex if you are seeing multiple partners or are unsure about your partners previous sexual history. A regular visit to the STI clinic is also recommended however difficult that conversations might be. You can get more information on sexual health here.
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What do you call it?
Although the term fuck buddy is recognised widely as meaning someone you have sex with who you are not in an exclusive relationship. Many other countries around the world have their own terms to describe casual sex buddies. Some interesting, strange and funny. Here are some common variations from around the world.
Brits commonly use the term ‘fuck buddy’ although terms like bang buddy, sex buddy or the more comical ‘bone buddies’ or ‘shag buddy’
Friends with benefits is a common term made popular by the 2011 movie of the same name staring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Other common terms include ‘meet and fuck’ and ‘sex buddies’.
The Afrikaans slang term Naai meaning fuck is often used i.e. naaibuddy or naai buddies.
In Spanish the term follamigo is frequently used to describe casual sex. Roughly translated it means ‘a fuck friend’.
The Aussies have their own unique terms to describe sexual acts and relationships. Some of the more humorous ones are:
- Root rat
- Root buddy
- Pash buddy
Meet your own Aussie fuck buddy today